This phrase has been on my mind alot over this past week. Whenever an Elder or Sister here talks about something they did before their mission, they preface the story with "in my past life", and tell whatever tale it is. Thats such an interesting comment to me. This email is going to be short because I have alot to do today, but here is the basics of my thoughts and such this week.
When you enter the MTC, you feel like yourself, but with a name tag and suit. (or dress) After a few days of diligence and obedience, you start to feel someone else taking you over, and the Spirit guiding more that you do. As you humble yourself (im still working on that one) it becomes obvious to you, and people around you, that this is no longer your life. You have given everything over to the Lord. You have given up all worldy things, nice bed, nice showers, (dont ask) clothes, family, friends, all of it. And as a missionary, you live fully the Law of Consecration. For anyone out there who doesn't know what that is, basically it's that you give all you have over to the Lord, and trust that he will provide for the things that you need. As a missionary, this is what we do. We literally enter ourselves into a different life. A new life, as it were.
I think about my time outside the MTC, (i know ive only been here two weeks, it feels longer) and it's weird. It's like watching someone else's life. When I think about dates I went on, or people I hung out with, jokes I thought were funny, it all seems different. Even last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I will normally start humming. I was humming the Spirit of God, instead of Ben Rector, or Maroon 5. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I will enjoy more music than just hymns when I am no longer a missionary, but it's interesting how involuntary that change was.
I feel very confident that the love I feel for my teacher here at the MTC will be continuous, even when I get home. Will I look him up and become best friends? (NO, because Taylor is my best friend) Maybe we won't be friends. But I will continue to love him and the things he has taught me, even the things that aren't directly related to Spanish or the Gospel.
I say this because I have a story. It's a story that Brother Pitcher told, but something I have been thinking about alot.
When Brother Pitcher was serving his mission, he was in his last area with his last companion, and they were sitting watching the sunset one day, (not something you often have time for, so they took advantage of it) and as he was thinking, he turned to his companion and said, "Elder Keller, I'm scared." "Why is that Elder Pitcher?" His response to that was something that took me by surprise, and has stuck in my mind ever since I heard this.
"I'm afraid to go home to my friends. I'm afraid that we will go back to the way we were before our missions. That scares me. We are all good people, and are serving faithfully, but I'm afraid of what will happen if that changes."
This is something that I had never been afraid of before, but I am now. I sincerely hope that we don't change back to the people we were. We were all good people, but I can already feel myself changing for the better, and I hope to always continue changing upwards. I hope that for the people at home not serving yet, or maybe not at all. Always change for the better. Always make tomorrow better than today. Always.
And I'm warning you all now, when I get home, I will be different, and I hope to stay that way. If I'm not different, then I have failed in my purpose as a missionary.
I love you all.
The Church is True, your body is a Temple, don't do drugs.
-Elder Gifford
