Love

Today is a very weird day. I've been thinking alot, mostly about my future. Before I get into this post, I know. I know my focus should be elsewhere, and it is.  But my brain wanders, and I'm done fighting my brain when it wanders. It's simpler to just control the wander than to cut it off entirely.

So over the last few weeks, I have let my brain wander. Mostly to love. That's right. Love. I know, I'm preparing for a mission, and shouldn't be concerning myself with the topic of love right now. But here I go anyway.

Being single, sucks. No matter what anyone tells you, they are lying. It truly is not a fun thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna go around looking for a relationship just because being single is lousy. I don't want a relationship right now either, but it doesn't make it any easier to be single. Every morning you get up, and you face the world alone. You get up knowing that your decisions, while they may affect others, ultimately matter to you, and you alone. One of my favorite movies in the world is Newsies. In that movie, Jack Kelly asks a very deep and profound question. This may not be exact, but its basically this. "All my life, I've never had it matter to anyone whether I stay or whether I go. Now I'm not saying it should matter to you, but what I'm saying is, well, does it? Matter?" Jack finds what we all hope for. He finds someone who he matters to. Let me preface all of this with this statement. I know my family loves me, and I know I matter to them. This is different.

When you are in love, you care about someone more than you care about yourself. Whether it's Jack staying in New York because he finally has a reason to stay, or Peter Parker staying away from Gwen Stacy because he wants her to be safe, it's the same. It's love that drives us to make all of our decisions. I have been in love. It wasn't forever, and it wasn't the only love I will ever feel, but it was real. And even though it didn't work out, I remember it. And it makes it hard to be single. Knowing that you can feel something so much better than the thrill of a fun date or flirting with a new friend, it makes it a little harder to do. When you are in a relationship, and you love someone, you always have someone to be there for you. Even in hard times, someone always has your back. You always have a teammate. You have someone to love all the time.

Ben Rector has a song called "Wanna Be Loved", and one of my favorite lines in the entire song says 'Every move, leads right back to our need for acceptance, our fear of rejection'. I think this is true. We just want to be happy, and loving someone makes us happy. I'm different from the typical teenage guy who is afraid of commitment and doesn't want marriage. It's weird, but sometimes I feel like my life isn't complete, and won't be until I have a beautiful wife and kids.

Well, this has been my rant for the day, mostly because today more than anything, I want to be in love. I'm gonna finish this post with a quote from my best friend.

"I'm good at being single, but I was made to be in love." -Taylor Hill

-Tenacious Tenor